Not Always 100% Authentic and That’s 100% Okay

This summer my sister and I went away on a sisters trip and we got in a massive fight.

We’re in our mid-forties, so this caught both of us by surprise. Like typical sisters, we didn’t tell anyone about it. The details of our argument are private, but it got me thinking about social media and reality—how much we share, how much we don’t, and what we expect from others when they post online.

Social media doesn’t exist in a bubble—it’s happening in real time, right alongside the messy, complicated moments of life. Especially during the holidays, when cheerful family photos and picture-perfect celebrations flood our feeds, it’s easy to feel a gap between what we see and what’s real. That’s why I want to talk about the balancing act of authenticity, the importance of viewing social media through a realistic lens, and what this all says about self-compassion.

Authenticity on Social Media: A Balancing Act

Social media often equates “authenticity” with sharing every detail of your life—good, bad, and ugly. But is that realistic or even fair? I love sharing my life with others - it brings me joy to show you a sunrise, cute cats, a place in the middle of the desert that I’m marveling at, rocks shaped like hearts, I want to show you the whole world through my lens! I’m an artist and a writer so between words and images - I want to upturn my pockets full of collected treasures for all of you at recess to share.

But I am also human - I have bad days, tears, fear, moments of weakness, times when I’m short tempered, and a lot of sweaty unflattering photos in summer as Z drags me through the hottest parts of the world. I also have family, friends, a partner I love, an ex-husband I’m friends with, past relationships, former co-workers, companies I worked for or with that I love, others that incite trauma responses and more. I can share more about the hard times to provide more context, but I cannot in good faith share too much detail involving other humans without their express permission. My decision to share my life doesn’t mean others should be forced to become casualties in my stories.

Why Social Media Isn’t the Full Picture

Social Media isn’t 100% authentic and that’s 100% okay. Artists, writers, public figures, bloggers, your neighbor, you - everyone sharing on social media is posting with the assumption that everyone else knows these are the highlights of your day.

Imagine if I shared the details of the awful argument my sister and I had? How would that make her feel? Probably like she’d been used and I’d cheapened any lessons we were able to salvage from our terrible night. Try to keep that in mind when you think, “Oh everything’s always perfect with their family/friends/dog/wife.” It’s not always perfect, they may not have a right to share and you don’t necessarily have the right to know.

Viewing Social Media with a Realistic Lens

I’ll admit, I’m a bit of an outlier—I don’t get jealous or resentful about other people’s social media. I can spot curated content and think, “That’s well done,” while understanding it doesn’t show the full day.

I’ve learned to genuinely celebrate others’ successes: a new house, another puppy, a family holiday photo. Judging others on social media often leads to more self-judgment. There’s no finite amount of joy—someone else’s happiness doesn’t take away from what’s available to you.

When you feel bothered by someone else’s content, ask yourself:

• Why does this joy, love, or success bother me?

• What does it reflect about my own insecurities or expectations?

• If you know their real life doesn’t echo this - could their social media be a vision board of the life they hope to have?

Doing an Inventory of Your Social Media

When I bought my first house, I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t post pictures or share the news. Instead of feeling proud, I felt an unnatural amount of shame. Growing up without money can create a strange relationship with it when it arrives—you feel guilty, as if you’re bragging. I knew how much work, time, effort, courage and tears I’d poured into my business - but I still felt unable to share.

The funny thing is that at the same time I bought my house, a woman I had met in our early days of the food business (if you don’t follow her, you should!) bought the house behind me. She had no problem sharing her joy and the rewards of her work with others on social media. We were playing with a recipe idea at my house one day and I asked her about it and was really impacted by her attitude - why shouldn’t I share this? Why wouldn’t this be inspiring for others? She had no room in her headspace for the feelings I grew up with.

Her perspective shifted mine. It made me realize I’m in charge of what I share and why. Social media can be a time capsule—a way to ask myself:

• Does this reflect who I am and where I am?

• Am I showing only who I want to be?

• How can I bridge the gap between the two?

A Healthier Relationship with Social Media

Much in the same way that sports stars and entertainers and singers are still human and very often flawed - the folks you follow on social media are the same. You are the same. We are beautiful, messy, multi-faceted creatures that are going through a shared human experience at different speeds and formats. Our variations are what make us so unique and what’s cool is that you can choose who you follow, read and watch based on how they make you feel.

If you grew up with a ton of comparison in your family or culture, you may need to structure your social media more or take scheduled detoxes. It may not be for you at all! But I think the larger questions of comparison, judgement, authenticity and self-reflection apply whether we’re talking social media or how we project our expectations onto others overall.

Remember Real Connection

After traveling the world and living in another country, one thing I’ve learned is that we all have more in common than we think. When we focus on what we share, the world becomes intimate and warm. But when we approach others with judgment, comparison, or the belief that joy is in limited supply, the world feels big, lonely, and divisive.

Try saying something kind. Ask a question. Reflect inward when something outwardly bothers you. Those uncomfortable feelings can guide you toward healing.

Your social media, like your life, is what you make of it. The more compassion you have for yourself, the less likely you are to compare your life to someone else’s highlight reel. This holiday season, I hope you’ll give yourself the gift of self-compassion. You don’t need matching pajamas or a perfectly curated life to be happy. You’re enough, just as you are—and that’s worth celebrating.