Why What You Say Matters

It’s More Than Words

We use language as the primary form of conveying to ourselves and others how we are impacted by our human experience. The broader our vocabulary, the greater our command of language and the clearer we can express what we feel, have, want, and need. Our words become more significant than those who lack the ability to articulate their thoughts effectively. Language moves us through inspirational talks, books, articles, marketing, advertisements, song lyrics, and poetry—even graffiti on the side of the freeway can mark a feeling in time. While we study language as children, we often plateau in our development, leaving us with a relatively static command of our language. We adopt trending words and sociolinguistic speech patterns that can unify or differentiate us. We speak to others and ourselves all day long, shaping our presence in the world. We can talk powerfully, demeaningly, inspiringly, or expressively. We can empathize, connect, harm, and craft complex, changeable stories of who we were, are, and will be.

Reflecting on the history of communication, I think of petroglyphs carved or painted on cave walls symbolizing great hunts, successful battles, and storylines comprised of stick figures and line work. These rudimentary markings show the incredible effort to create records of important moments. They evolved from tales told around evening fires, passed down through generations, to an immutable recounting of events. The hieroglyphs of Egypt are another example, with detailed carvings depicting the lives, loves, battles, and rituals of significant individuals. These assembled pictures tell the tale of almost god-like rulers who believed their stories were powerful enough to last for centuries. Letters written in ink with quill pens, rolled into cylinders, tucked into tubes for mailing, sealed with wax, and loaded onto ships that sailed to the edges of the earth further demonstrate the evolution of communication. Religious texts written by politician-appointed scholars, like the King James Bible, raise questions about political influence versus accuracy. I wonder about the Aztecs telling vital stories to ensure the gods continued to smile on the people and cross-reference that to the game of telephone as a child. What if, in the telling of how to please the Aztec gods, someone made an error, changing "Let their heart have no doubt" to "Rip their heart out," leading to hundreds of citizens having their hearts cut out?

Our language reflects us as individuals and collectively as a society. Corporate meetings are filled with jargon, euphemisms, and buzzwords that exclude and divide. Younger generations create slang to differentiate themselves from their elders, often obfuscating communication. A lack of range in vocabulary reflects a lack of range in human emotion and capacity. If landing your dream job, getting new socks, meeting the love of your life, and enjoying Pad Thai are all "amazing," how amazed are you really? Is everything amazing, or is it just a way to mask a lack of true joy and deep sadness?

Pitfalls of Weak Language

“Just” is a weak word that should be carefully removed from our vocabulary. It sneaks into our sentences, robbing them of strength and impact. "Did you want to say that, or did you just want to?" Using "just" says, "I’m sorry, I don’t have a right to be here or to do this." We use it to keep our tender selves safe from harm, swaddling our wishes in bubble wrap. If rejected, we can quickly remove our padding and say, "Ah! That wasn’t me, I was just saying that because I wanted to see what you were going to say." Then we retreat into the safety of our inner mind, sweating and panting like a nearly kicked dog.

"Try" is another weak word. We make bold statements without true intention. "I’m going to try to work out every day this week!" Are you? Or are you leaving a backdoor open to sneak out of honoring your word to yourself? Like Yoda says, "Do or do not, there is no try." Trying implies a lack of commitment and the possibility of failure. Don't try to cut back on sugar; cut back on sugar. Don’t try to be more compassionate; commit to making a dedicated effort. Don’t try to be on time more often; set additional alarms to make it happen. Don’t try to be better; be better. Trying is no way to live.

"Should" represents the tug of war between who you are and how you feel you need to meet others' expectations that don’t suit you. Sure, there are things we need to do that we don’t want to do, like paying taxes or fixing a leak. But "should" signals a disparity between what you want and what you are doing. We should all over ourselves instead of being clear about our preferences, dreams, and desires.

"May" and "maybe" live in a world of insipid uncertainty. It reminds me of the quote, "The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision." All the things you may do and might do are indicators that you are living your life clinging to the edge, yearning to swim freely but never daring to take action. Every minute that ticks by can never be reclaimed. Stop priding making the "right" decision over gaining life experiences. Indecision is a choice in itself. No great story is told about a main character who contemplated their choices until the end of time while paralyzed from fear. Go, do, be, decide.

Powerful Words

Language carries significant power in telling stories of the past, communicating present experiences, and shaping how we talk about our future. Look at those with commanding stage presence—fortune tellers, politicians, preachers, sorcerers, and modern-day witches casting spells, mediums, and manifesters. Entire fields of work and study are dedicated to using words to create, shape, and change reality. Writing and reciting positive mantras is no different than whispering small sweet spells while stirring tea or parading on stage with a microphone, having the crowd repeat, "I am capable! I am worthy! I am power!" We cast spells daily with how we talk to ourselves, others, and about our past, present, and future. We can write and rewrite our stories as we grow, changing our language to reflect our current selves and striving to become better.

I challenge all of us to be mindful of our words to ourselves and others. Weed out weak language with grace and compassion. Use "just" as an indicator, like warning lights on your car dashboard, signifying that you are leaving wiggle room instead of stating your need. Laugh lightly as you delete "I will try" and replace it with "I will." Period. Full stop. Pause a friend and ask them, "Why ‘should’? What do you want? Why doesn’t what you want matter enough?" Listen more intently to your inner voice and gently steer it towards self-talk that reflects how you would speak to a loved one. Laugh and say, "Sometimes you are so forgetful, but that’s because you have an incredible imagination!" instead of, "What an idiot you are, always late, so freaking stupid." Spend more time saying, "I am, I will, I want, I feel," filling in the blanks with bold and decisive desires. Reclaim your language, and in doing so, you will reclaim your power.