Thoughts On Gratitude
How to Find Daily Joy in A World of Wanting More
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”
Roughly ten years ago I was standing in the shower for the first time since I’d launched my first business that I wasn’t too tired or too rushed to take my time. I let the hot water cascade down and buried my face in my hands. I let the urgency to get out and rush to the next task pass and allowed myself the space and time to simply stand there. A moment of relief washed over me. Three years ago, I sat in my new house in Portland in my cozy chair, looking out the big bedroom window at the clouds passing by. Seagulls sailed on wind currents and tinier birds darted back and forth. I sat there for hours doing nothing but watching them dance with the clouds and felt a sense of simple happiness and richness that I had rarely felt, especially after the divorce the year prior. A few years ago I was running Eagle Creek in Oregon, caked in dust and sweat. I had been logging a lot of trail running miles and was pushing the pace pretty hard. The sun was high overhead, my music was perfect, my heart was beating, blood pumping and the sky a wide-open stretch of blue above the forest. The rivers and falls were running hard and I was overwhelmed with so much joy that tears began to stream down my face. It was a Wednesday or something mundane and in this moment, I was so completely happy that I said to myself that everything I had ever done and had ever experienced, all the good and the bad, the traumatic and challenging, it was all worth getting to this moment. This nothing of a moment! And I would do it all again 100-fold if I had to.
These are all tiny moments, almost irrelevant, right? Nothing you share with family and friends, and nothing to write an article about. But here’s the secret - these moment? This is life. These little vignettes where you can find joy, savor peace and revel in even the ordinary is what makes life enjoyable.
Gratitude, Gratitude, Gratitude
It’s everywhere these days - from Gratitude journals to podcasts and making lists morning and night to have more meaning in your life. And what’s funny is years ago I did morning gratitude lists (I still do), but I found it an empty exercise. I’d make my list of a few basic things and then the day would begin and those things (and that gratitude) were long gone. There’s a quote I always think of that says, “Remember when you wished for the things you have now." It’s a solid reminder of how quickly we get ‘over’ what we work towards. But, how do we keep gratitude at the forefront when our lives and our culture are constantly pushing us towards, “What’s Next?”
Why The Thrill Fades
There’s a psychological concept called the Hedonic Treadmill that describes this endless chase. Humans have a natural tendency to return to a baseline level of happiness, no matter what happens—positive or negative. When you desire something (like a new car, a promotion, or a big goal), your brain amplifies its importance, often associating it with happiness or fulfillment. Once you achieve it, however, you adapt to the new situation, and it becomes "normal." Your baseline happiness resets, and you begin to desire the next thing.
Dopamine, the "feel-good chemical," is actually more associated with anticipation and motivation than with pleasure. When you’re working toward a goal or craving something, dopamine floods your brain, giving you a sense of excitement and urgency. However, once you achieve the goal or acquire the object, dopamine drops, and the excitement fades. This is why the "chase" or "wanting" often feels more thrilling than the actual "having."
How to Make Joy Last
Joy, satisfaction and fulfillment don’t come from achieving, buying or winning something. It comes from having something to seek while enjoying what you’ve done - truly the journey is the destination. That means in order to cultivate joy on an ongoing basis, you need to be a work in process. The goal becomes to have goals, not to be on a race (or treadmill like above) endlessly searching for the one thing that will result in glorious rest atop your pile of achievements! In fact, one might even argue that moment would be rather final, death.
Gratitude practices can help interrupt the cycle of hedonic adaptation. By consciously focusing on what you already have and recognizing its value, you can reframe your mindset to appreciate the present moment. Studies show that gratitude increases long-term happiness and satisfaction by shifting your attention away from what’s missing and toward what’s meaningful.
Fake it Till You Make It
Honestly - starting a new practice can feel inauthentic when you start. Maybe you’re reading this today on Thanksgiving and you’re looking around at all the things that need to get done, or listening to your nephews scream at each other or you’re by yourself at home wondering if you’d feel better going out or having a quiet night at home. It’s not easy to change life-long habits and patterns. Gratitude isn’t about ignoring what’s hard or pretending everything is perfect. It’s about intentionally shifting your focus, moment by moment, to recognize the good—especially the smallest pieces of it.
1. Start Small (and Specific)
Start by naming one or two small things you appreciate each day. Maybe it’s your morning coffee, the sound of rain, or a kind smile from a stranger. The key is to get specific and notice details you might otherwise overlook. For example, instead of “I’m grateful for my house,” try “I’m grateful for the cozy light in my living room that makes me feel calm in the evenings.”
2. Write It Down
Why? The act of writing deepens your awareness. Bonus: Over time, you’ll have a growing record of moments you can revisit when life feels challenging. Grab a notebook and aim for just 3-5 things you’re grateful for each day.
3. Focus on the "How" Instead of the "What"
If the usual “I’m grateful for…” lists aren’t resonating, shift your attention to how certain things make you feel. For example, “How does my morning coffee bring me comfort?” or “How does a clean house help me feel more peaceful?” This approach can deepen your connection to gratitude.
4. Cosplay Being Present
Sometimes we have to ‘try’ things on much like we did when playing pretend as a kid. As adults, we are no different. Try on what it would feel like to stop rushing, stop racing around, stop saying you’re busy. Channel The Dude from The Big Lebowski, pretend you’re at the tail end of a 10-day yoga retreat, make believe your apartment balcony overlooks the sea. The majority of my overflowing joy stems from the smallest things.
5. Keep Setting Goals
Happiness and gratitude stem from the balance of appreciating what we have now and having new things to work on. When we can sit in our current situation and appreciate what we have it empowers us to work on more (if we want). Appreciating that you have what you once wished for is literally proving that achieving your dreams is possible. I am a big goal-setter. I like making budgets, plans, short term goals, long term goals -you name it! In fact, if you want to join me in an end of year review / beginning of year planning sign up on the waitlist here!
6. Close The Loop
Pick a regular time each month to reflect on what you’ve achieved - that way you are intentionally savoring the work you’ve done. If you find that you’re not achieving those goals or that you’re out of alignment somewhere, this regular self-check in is a great way to get back on track before you reach the end of the year exhausted and adrift!
7. Do Some Hard Things
If you’re complaining about traffic or those stubborn 5 lbs you can’t lose I urge you to do some hard shit. Go hike 15 miles. Spend some time without hot water. Be without your phone for two days. Do a silent retreat. Go volunteer for the less fortunate. Whatever your version of ‘hard’ may be - give it a go. Adversity brings gratitude for the simple pleasures in a way that nothing else does. We live a harder more remote life on the island and let me tell you - endless hot water, drinkable tap water, three varieties of kale and same day Amazon deliveries? Pshhh - I am the richest girl in the world!
Conclusion
My life has not always been easy - and most likely, yours hasn’t been either. Learning to slow down and actively take the time to sit with the present has been a powerful practice. I’ve learned to balance gratitude with goals and have a more healthy and sustainable approach to striving for more. I want consistent improvement but I also want to enjoy what I have. We humans are funny creatures, but we are capable of rewiring old ways!
I hope this article finds you well today and encourages you to take a little time - yes, today - to sit back and look at the life you’ve built. You should be proud. Whether it’s what you planned on or not, you have been resilient enough to wake up every day and head into the next and if you’re here reading, it means you’re considering a little more adventure!
Happy Thanksgiving and I am always here for you.
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